Bah Humlove
by DarkAngelOfSorrowReturns
Summary: Severus knew if he ever repeated a phrase so ridiculous that it would be a disaster. Written for (Charlie9646) My Sweet Valentine Gift Exchange on Draco's Den!


Note: Office!AU, Potential OOCness.

Written for Charlie9646

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It was the day Severus detested even more than Christmas. Whether it was filled with that horrid pink color Umbridge wore on a daily basis or imbeciles spewing lies of love to get what they want, Severus could very much do without the holiday all together. He wasn't bitter, mind you, and being petty required more effort than he would give.

He simply couldn't fathom Valentine's Day.

Why must a person take one particular day out of the year that should be honored all throughout? Sev was most certain that its origin consisted of springtime and women being paired off with brutes through probabilities. Whoever thought it necessary to twist such a celebration must have known father in spirit.

Despite his feelings on the matter, Severus had no choice but to deal with the holiday when it fell on a workday. He was not one to skip out on the job, and he wasn't some immature teenager. Severus was a grown, thirty-five year old man, and he would act as such.

Someone above was testing him today, however, because there were damn chocolates _ on his desk _.

Everyone in the firm was aware of this, so he was given a respected distance from the lovey dovey rubbish. Well, everyone sans one person.

_ "You're like the Scrooge of Valentine's Day, mate," his younger colleague McLaggen commented. "You can't say Bah Humlove," McLaggen's eyes trailed along a fellow female worker's figure as she headed towards the lobby desk, "when there's so many reasons to spread the love." _

_ Severus scoffed. 'Bah Humlove'. That was the most ridiculous and pitiful notion he'd ever heard. And Sev's had the displeasure of hearing a plethora of ignorant tenotions over the years. Surely, ever having to speak the phrase would result in some sort of cosmic disaster. _

_ "If I were to express the same interest in 'spreading the love', McLaggen," Severus drawled, "it wouldn't be solely for this day. That's child's play." _

_ Cormac rubbed his thumb on his bottom lip and chuckled to himself. "Consider me a child then," he replied, "as I've found the latest toy to play with. 'Scuse me, Sevvy." _

_ Sev's left eye twitched with irritation at the nickname as Cormac sauntered after the woman. At least Severus would have vengeance; Ms Brown would eat Cormac alive. Though, unfortunately knowing the younger man, Cormac might like it. _

If he could blast the young broker into a place worthy of tormenting souls on a deserted rock among trackless seas, he would do it. McLaggen would harass a bloody fly if he could.

Yet Severus was certain that the charismatic fool did not leave candy on his desk. It would have been on a temp's desk first before Sev's, so someone from their floor was clearly setting him up.

_ 'Bah Humlove,' _Severus thought to himself. It was immediately regretted when he realized his mind had the audacity to use the term; if it could be considered a proper term at all.

Muttering under his breath, Severus moved to sit in his chair. Once he was comfortable, the man pushed the chocolate hearts to the corner of his desk. He wanted to work as he intended to before investigating the offense, and he couldn't do that without the solid evidence. At least he wouldn't have to look at the box while tending to files and finances.

The start of his morning was unexpected, but it shifted back to normal as he worked. His tasks were clearing up by the moment, no one had come to bother him, and it seemed apparent that everything was going to return to its usual, content self.

Severus knew better than to feel any semblance of hope.

A sharp knock on his open door made Severus turn sharper than he intended. It wasn't as if he'd been startled or scared, so he wondered why his body language was trying to convey it as such.

It was when his mind registered what his body had already noticed that Severus quickly concluded who the chocolate hearts giver was.

Her chestnut hair fell alongside her shoulders in waves like a waterfall. A few freckles were detected on her nose from the way she smiled at him. The light even reflected in the brunette's eyes like caramel swirled in chocolate.

Good God, this was getting out of hand in his mind. Severus was a man of maturity, yet this woman snapped him back to his years in high school.

"Happy Valentine's Day, sir," she greeted in a light, eager tone. "I'm the latest temp in the lobby. Hermione Granger, sir."

She stepped forward, reaching her hand out to seal the introductions, but Severus was still shocked and frozen in place. How could he react when he was annoyed yet attracted at the same time?

"Someone should have informed you beforehand that this isn't a holiday I particularly appreciate or celebrate," Sev said as evenly as possible. "Which, Miss Granger, includes its inclusion in greetings."

Miss Granger's chin tilted up naturally with a challenge that Sev couldn't help but note and appreciate. Not that he'd inform her of that aloud.

"I was informed of your opinion on the holiday," she said. "Which is why I sent the chocolates."

Severus couldn't resist the urge to raise a brow curiously. His eyes shifted from Hermione to the chocolate and back to her.

"And why, pray tell, would you do such a thing if you know my feelings on the matter?" he asked.

Her shoulders squared as she retracted her hand to her side. "Because, sir, while your reasoning is to be considered chivalrous and valiant, it doesn't mean that you shouldn't receive some kind of compassion." There was a pinch of red on her cheeks, but she cleared her throat. "And given that I shall be in the receptionist for the remainder of this month and the next, I figured that we start off on the right footing, sir."

He couldn't believe her nerve. It was bold and brash, but she was right. He knew it. He couldn't allow his guard to go down simply for the office's new temp's brain or beauty.

McLaggen would lap this up if he were given the opportunity.

Hermione stood there waiting, her confidence unwavering in her fitting, ivory pantsuit. Severus nudged the chocolate a little closer to his person, but it was only a little nudge.

"Consider our footing on a leveled field, Miss Granger," he said meeting her eyes. He nearly wished he didn't because they were going to forever haunt him for the remainder of the day. He wouldn't be able to concentrate like that surely.

Her grin was wide and beaming as she nodded victoriously. "It was a pleasure, Mr Severus. I will be at the main desk should you need any assistance." With that, Hermione turned on her heels and walked out of his office.

When he was certain he had a moment of privacy, Severus blew air out exasperatedly and frowned at the box of candy on his desk. Such a clever young woman. She'd riled him up in more ways than he would have liked.

He knew thinking of the phrase Bah Humlove would be disastrous.

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Word Count: 1,200


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